Today is my 41 birthday, my morning started with a prayer of gratitude for another year of life. But then a sudden realization hit me; my dad died at 41.

I sat there, for the first time, I truly realised how young he was when he left my mom and us, three teenagers. 

The prayer time got cut off because kids needed to be ready for school. 

Later, after a great breakfast (for my birthday) with my husband, I was biking home alone, the though crept back in:

My dad 41

Me 41 

Without asking permission tears began to flow nonstop. It was the heavy realisation that the left this earth at the exact age I am right now. I reflect on my own life and see so many wonderful blessings. My days are full and sweet yet his live, which was beautiful and full was cut off in the blink of an eye. He was dreaming about the future one moment and gone the next.

Deep grief and tears demanded my full attention. It wasn’t pretty.

You can’t heal what you refuse to feel

Honestly, I was glad no one was biking ahead or behind me. If I have learned anything over the last few years it’s this: you cannot heal what you refuse to feel. 

So I just let it out. And as the grief washed over me, my heart cried out for Gods comfort. 

He gently reminded me of our conversation from that morning. He whispered to my heart, “My love, evil doesn’t have the last word” He reminded me that by living my life to the fullest and staying very close to Him, I give Him the space to heal and redeem. 

Grief is a long process. As you probably know, it comes uninvited and in waves. It may crashes in at inconvenient times, it isn’t pretty but, I believe, necessary. 

Often unconsciously, we run away from grief, not realising that we are blocking our capacity for true joy. I believe, emotional numbing isn’t selective when we suppress pain, sadness or anger we automatically mute our joy. To feel the highest highs of life, we have to be willing to sit through the lows. 

So, if you are in that space of grief today or if it finds you in the coming days will you sit with that emotion? Will you allow God to look into your heart and tend to the raw, wounded places?

He is a gracious God, this I know for sure. He knows exactly how to tend to our wounds and give our hearts the hope they long for.

Don’t be scared. 

Be brave.

You won’t regret it.